Explorations

When my doctor asked me a few day ago what I wanted to be when I grew up, I almost laughed. Actually, I did. “What do I want to be when I grow I up?” Isn’ t this the sort of question 10 year olds are asked? I shrugged off the question, as he assumed my interest in theatre automatically yielded my heart-burning desire to become an actor.  I wondered how many people had similar thoughts about the theatre profession, and soon found myself walking up and down campus finding people to ask.

Surely, Mary Washington’s students would be able to equate theatre with something other than acting…or not. Not only was theatre only about acting, everyone involved was doomed to fail; ending up as a gas station attendant, part time waitress, or teacher.  These interviews brought me to a whole other question: Why is the theatre viewed as an inaccessible career choice?

I consider myself wildly successful, among other things, in the fine art of procrastinating.  It’s a skill I’ve honed over a number of years, though more recently perfected in my college career.  For example, while trying to write this post I’ve already; cleaned my desk, organized a stack of magazines, called my Mom, went to dinner, made my bed, washed some dishes, worked on Lighting Design and then did my Latin homework.  I knew I was really avoiding this post, when I started in on my Latin homework because: 1) I hate, hate doing Latin and 2) I almost never do it until moments before class, or in extreme cases in class.  So I had to ask myself, why was I avoiding this?

The conclusion that I reached is fairly childish and immature, though most certainly common. I was afraid of starting. I was afraid of making a mistake. I was afraid of creating something permanent, something that I would attach myself to.  Moreover, this large, anonymous ’something’ was personal: my thoughts and reflections. I was afraid that I had nothing to say or offer.

I became a theatre major with no real thought process. I just woke up one day freshman spring and filled out my declaration card. This isn’t to say I was careless or thoughtless; but the process required almost no real consideration: it simply seemed right.  It’s only recently, as of this year, that I’ve begun to examine my progress as a student and artist. I feel that I have a great deal of maturing to do within my work, and that this ‘maturing’  will consistently require my attention. Perhaps this need for constant self-examination in regards to communicating my ideas artistically, and enhancing the understanding between myself and the audience(or my peers, or the text), is one of the reasons I was initially attracted to Theatre.  Additionally, I’ve realized there are endless possibilities and ways to accomplish the theatre’s goal of telling a story. A daunting and yet exhilarating realization: There are infinite ways to do the same thing.  Throughout my college career thus far, I’ve strove to find which avenue, or path will fit me best.

The search continues.